Commencing Year Four What’s my motivation for this scene? So very disenthused
Give in to inertia. The sooner you are too lazy to move, the sooner you will get bored of it.
By Anonymous, at
6:34 AM
I dunno, I can go an awfully long time before the novelty of complete irresponsibility wears off.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
So today is the third anniversary of my marriage to the wonderful Miz Fazza, which shows no signs of losing any of its myriad appeals. In a sense it feels like it’s understating the longevity of our relationship to just count Octobers the Fifth, since we were together three years before that, but it’s a notable occasion nonetheless. It’s probably traditional to impart some vaguely smug observation about what keeps it all so fresh and wonderful, but since most of us know couples who’ve been together much longer – my Mum and Dad, for example, are closing in pretty fast on 40 years – I might just leave that to wiser minds. Suffice to say we’re deliriously in love and expect the condition to be utterly incurable.
As is perfectly normal and to be expected, I’m having an appalling time getting back into work since the holiday in New Zealand. Part of that is that I’ve had a cold dogging at me on and off since almost the minute we got back to Canberra. More to the point is the feeling of lost momentum on Project Porkpie. Before, I felt on top of (nearly) everything and had a real sense that I knew how everything was tracking and what needed to be done. Since the holiday, I’ve completely lost that perspective and I’m having a hard time rebuilding it, or even finding the enthusiasm to goad myself into it.
Fortunately, the apparent lack of activity is illusory, or at least it’s more or less exclusive to me and not the project as whole. There have been some delays, and concerns continue to grow about the deadline, but mainly the problem is in my head rather than anything particularly tangible.
That said, I do have rather a lot of work to get done, in the face of a real reluctance to just cowboy up and do it. I’m slowly overcoming the inertia, but maybe too slowly, and the more I procrastinate, the more the pressure builds. I half suspect that I’m subconsciously engineering a crisis for myself, presumably on the assumption that I either work better under the gun or that I will finally be exposed as a complete charlatan and removed from any position of responsibility.
On the other hand, I could be over thinking what is, in essence, acute laziness.
It’s not just work, mind you. There’s a dozen little projects at the moment that - to borrow from Homer Simpson – “I’d love to want to” work on, but I can’t muster the energy for any of them. Resume learning piano. Continue the renovations. Do the cover artwork for the Spit album. Song writing. Writing in general. Running a regular roleplaying game. Plant a vegetable garden. All potentially spirited endeavours, except that I can’t summon the spirit.
Oh, it will pass, for sure, and I’ll get to all of those things sooner or later. But I’m keenly feeling the absence of a sense of immediacy, of urgency and drive. If I feel like doing anything, it’s kicking back and reading a book or watching a bit of TV or just sort of hanging around and idly chatting. But if I actually do any of those things, I give myself a massive guilt trip for wasting time. Sometimes I think my subconscious is just taking the piss, really.
2 Comments:
Spend a whole day in bed with buffy.
I got so tired on my holiday I had to spend days doing nothing - holidays are hard work.
And, come on, if I'm gonna spend a day in bed with a slayer, you know it's gonna be Faith
