Lexifabricographer For when the right word just won’t do…

May 29, 2006

Disengaged

Filed under: fitter/happier,workin for the man — lexifab @ 11:02 am

I’ve been away from the blogosphere for a bit. You might have noticed (though checking through the moderation comments this morning, I see that the spambot community never gave up trying to reach out to me. Brave little soldiers!)

Project Porkpie continues to slowly grind through its last dying weeks. Everyone is over it and just wants to finish the job and move on to something new, but there’s still a ton of work to do. Getting to the finish line is like wading through molasses. Or lava, maybe. One of those similes, anyway.

For the past couple of months I’ve been getting steadily more worn down, exhausted and generally dismal, juggling the relentless semi-misery with Fi’s recuperation. Being fun and upbeat has not more than fleetingly been part of the equation. Wasn’t working especially well, wasn’t connecting with anyone at work, would get home every afternoon and want to crawl straight into bed. It all culminated in an extremely horrible and draining couple of days a fortnight ago, during which I hit pretty much my lowest ebb, energy-wise.

 And then I had the interview mentioned in the previous entry. And I botched it. Probably the worst interview I’ve done in years. Said and did nothing wrong, but also completely failed to assert my competence or justify a permanent promotion.

And the next day the weight on my shoulders completely lifted. I decided that enough was enough, shucked off the blanket of negativity and just decided to be upbeat, cheerful and effective through to the end of the project.

For some reason utterly unfathomable to me, it’s worked so far. Last week was a breeze. I was enthusiastic, I got a lot of work done, I chatted with co-workers and went out for a couple of beers. I resumed my semi-formal position as translator and conduit of miffs and woes between workers and managers. I rocked at my job, basically. Oh, yes, I was a bit tired during the middle of the week, but I think that can safely be attributed to my rather moronic decision at Tuesday evening’s roleplaying session to make myself a strong cappuccino, which resulted in less than two hours sleep overnight. Oops.

So – note to self: it’s all in your head, dumbarse.

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