Once Upon a Time - The Shooting Script
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Once Upon a Time
a short film script
by Andrew Shellshear
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Preliminary Notes
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Seating arrangement is as follows:

B
A C
D

PLAYER A and PLAYER C are both infatuated with the same person.
PLAYER C and PLAYER B are friends.
PLAYER A, PLAYER B, PLAYER D and CAROL/CHRIS are housemates.

Each starts with 6 Story cards and later picks up an Ending card.

A: Boat, Ugly, Someone is hurt, Two people fall in love, Food, Old Woman
"Which proves that one should always be careful of one's companions"

B: Door, Lost, King, Ring, This can fly, Tree
"So the spell was broken and they were free."

C: Night, Bird, Fire, Witch, Island, Very Strong
"She revealed her true identity and they were married."

D: Beautiful, Frightened, Sleeping, Ruin, A Chase, Disguised
"He picked up his weapon and went on his way."

LS = long shot
MS = medium shot
CU = close-up
ECU = extreme close-up
OS = offscreen

Shot numbers with letters (eg. 6(a), 6(b)) use the same shot setup but are done separately. The word (cont) refers to a resumption of the same scene without a cut (eg. there was a cutaway in-between).

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1. FADE IN:

The camera is resting sidewards on a table, a half-full BEER BOTTLE filling the screen. The table and the bottle's base are on the left. A hand slowly enters shot from the bottom of the screen and grasps the bottle. It lifts the bottle (to the right of the screen) and the camera follows it, tilting with the bottle until we see that it is approaching the lips of PLAYER A, who takes a swig from the bottle. The camera, now horizontal, stays with PLAYER A's face as he/she replaces the bottle, look down briefly, and frowns in thought.

PLAYER A
Once Upon a Time, there was a sailor.

PLAYER D
(OS, disgust)
Oh for fuck’s sake. Not again.

2. LS of the table shows PLAYERS A, D and C. A is on the right. The table has several beer bottles on it. Each PLAYER is holding a set of six cards. There are two stacks of cards in the middle of the table.

PLAYER C looks worriedly at PLAYER D.

PLAYER C
What?

PLAYER D
It’s naff accent time again.

PLAYER C looks from PLAYER A to PLAYER D and back again.

TRACK RIGHT to cover PLAYER B, C, D

PLAYER C
What?

PLAYER B leans sidewards to face PLAYER C, possibly slapping on an impromptu eye-patch.

TRACK RIGHT to cover B, C

PLAYER B
Arr, y'art a landlubber yet, mate!
The accent, curse my foul old bean-farts,
of a salty sailor on t' high seas!

3. MS of A, D

PLAYER D puts his/her cards face-down on the table. They remain there for the rest of the game - D will turn them over one at a time.

PLAYER A
Yes, good, right, that's enough.
No, the sailor was a healthy young man with
a gleam in his eye and a spring in his step and
no accent to speak of. His name was Alfred.
(pause)
d'ye see...

PLAYER D
(OS)
Don't.

PLAYER A
(smiling)
This was his first sea-voyage, on
the brand new ship, the uh
"Mighty Bellows".

4. MS behind B, high-up, as PLAYER A lays down a card at the centre of the table. All the other players lean in to look.

5. ECU of the CARD in the centre of the table: It shows a picture of a ship, and has an accompanying caption "Boat". A hand reaches in from the top of the screen and turns the card around 180 degrees - as the card turns, the camera turns with it.

PLAYER C
(OS)
This says "Boat", not "ship".

PLAYER A
(OS)
It doesn't have to be exact.

6. MS PLAYER C

PLAYER C sits back.

PLAYER C
Oh, OK. I get it.

7. MS PLAYER A and the back of C. PLAYER C fiddles with his/her cards, looking closely at each one in turn.

PLAYER A
Alfred was in search of adventure,
on the high seas, and what better
place that on the pirate-ridden waters
of the Carribean?
The "Mighty Bellows" was a
passenger ship, fast and sleek, but
the crew was your usual assortment of
crusty old sea dogs, complete with
authentic accents...

TRACK RIGHT to PLAYER D

PLAYER D is aligning his/her cards.

PLAYER D
Right. You're number one on my shit
list, as of now.

8(a). MS of PLAYER A and PLAYER B. PLAYER B and PLAYER A speak simultaneously:

PLAYER B
Shouldn't that be number two?

PLAYER A
(grinning)
Oooh arrrrrr! Me hearty!

TRACK LEFT, CLOSE IN on PLAYER A

PLAYER A
Anyway, the Mighty Bellows was designed
to outrun the fastest pirate ships on
the Caribbean. The passengers paid well
for the safety it provided, and the crew
were paid well to keep it in top
condition. Alfred found the work tough
but rewarding.

9. CS from behind PLAYER A, showing PLAYER A's cards - "Ugly" is at the top, but "Food" can also be seen.

PLAYER D
(OS)
So... the salty old sea dogs worked
Alfred pretty hard, eh?

PLAYER A
(OS)
No, they had Bob the Cabin boy for that...

8(b). MS of PLAYER A

PLAYER A
Alfred was quickly accepted by the crew,
and became friends with Davril, a
good-hearted but astonishingly ugly old sailor.

PLAYER A puts "Ugly" on table.

10. MS of PLAYER B, PLAYER C

PLAYER B and PLAYER C lean forward to look at card.

PLAYER A
(OS)
Davril had a peg-leg, an eye-patch, and
no nose.

TRACK RIGHT to get PLAYER A and PLAYER B

PLAYER B
How did he smell?

PLAYER A
(grinning)
Probably by absorbing odours through
his skin, I don't know.

11. MS of PLAYER D, PLAYER B is in foreground

PLAYER D
(to Player B)
You're number 2 on my shit list. Don't
think I won't get around to it.

PAN RIGHT to PLAYER A

PLAYER A
One evening, Davril and Alfred were
relaxing in their respective hammocks
in the hold - where all the sailors
slept - when there was a knock on the door.

PLAYER B
Door!

PLAYER B places a card down on the table

12. CU on the card on the table: "Door"

PLAYER A
(OS)
OK. That's the first handover.

13. LS showing whole table, focus on PLAYER A. Each player takes a card from one of the central piles of cards.

PLAYER A
Now that the game is afoot, we all take
an ending card.

Pause while each player reads their card. PLAYER D glimpses over his/her card and puts it down on the table with the rest.

14. MS PLAYER C

PLAYER C
So, I've got to try and make the story
go towards this ending.

13(cont).

PLAYER A
Yes. You can play the ending card when
you've played all your story cards.

14(cont).

PLAYER C
And then I win.

13(cont).

PLAYER D
(amused)
And then you win.

15(a). MS PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Davril and Alfred were relaxing one
evening, playing some stupid card game...
(pause)
annoying all their crewmates who were
trying to study... when there was a
knock on the door. It was the Captain.
"There's a passenger complaining about
losing a locket", he said.

PLAYER B lays down card

16. ECU on card: "Lost"

15(a)(cont).

PLAYER B
(looking at D)
"Arr, now I don't rightly know what
happened to 't, but I reckon the demmed
fool went and dropped it somewhere. Could ye
be keepin' an eye out for't?"

17. LONG SHOT of PLAYER A, with PLAYER B and PLAYER D in shot. PLAYER D stands and walks out of shot. Under the following dialogue, we hear the fridge door open, the bottles get opened, and the lids get dropped on the Kitchen floor.

PLAYER B
(watching PLAYER D)
The very next day, Alfred was coiling a rope
when he saw a glint of gold. It was the very
locket that the Captain was looking for.

PLAYER D
(OS, neutrally, shouts)
Beer? Beer? Anyone?

Simultaneously:

PLAYER A
OK, thanks.

PLAYER B
Yeah

PLAYER C
Oh, um, alright.

15(b). MEDIUM SHOT on PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Alfred started walking to the Captain's
cabin, but before he had gotten half-way,
he noticed that there was a latch on the
the locket.

PLAYER D drops a bottle.

PLAYER D
(OS, muffled)
Fuckin’ ‘ell.

PLAYER B
And when he opened it, he saw inside a
portrait of the most beautiful woman he
had ever seen.

PLAYER D
(OS, shout)
What was that?

PLAYER B
(shout)
Um... Alfred found the locket, opened it,
and saw a portrait of a beautiful woman.

18. LS of Kitchen doorway

PLAYER D
(OS)
Do me a favour?

PLAYER B
What?

PLAYER D
(OS)
Turn over my card on the left hand side.

19. LS from behind B, and high up. B reaches over the toward D's card on the extreme left.

PLAYER D
(OS)
That's your right, moron.

PLAYER B reaches to the extreme right card and turns it over, slightly moving the card next to it.

20. ECU on the card - "Beautiful"

Card starts upside-down, but B turns the card around.

19(cont).

B sits down again. PLAYER A and PLAYER C lean forward to look at it, and then look towards where D is, in the kitchen.

D returns, grinning, hands out the beers, and sits.

21. MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Beeyootiful. So, Alfred sees that the
locket picture is the most beautiful
woman he had ever seen in his short,
virginal life. And he decides "No
fuckin' way am I handing this over."

PLAYER D looks at PLAYER C, who is picking at the label on a beer bottle.

PLAYER D
So, the locket goes into his pocket,
and for the rest of the day, he sneaks
little looks at it, feeling a little
strange every time he did so.

22. MS of PLAYER C.

PLAYER C looks up.

PLAYER C
(defensively looking around)
What?

PLAYER C picks up his/her cards and fans them.

21(cont).

PLAYER D
And that evening, he goes to sleep...

PLAYER D puts down card “Sleeping”.

PLAYER D
...with the locket clasped to his chest.

23. CS over PLAYER C's shoulder - we see card “Night” in hand.

PLAYER C
Wait a sec... can I play this?

ZOOM out slightly as PLAYER C hands the “Night” card face down to PLAYER A. PLAYER A looks at it, nods, and passes it back.

PLAYER A
Sure.

24(a). MS of PLAYER C.

PLAYER C plays the “Night” card, and takes a deep breath. Scans through cards, muttering.

TRACK LEFT to encompass PLAYER C and PLAYER D

PLAYER D
It’s your turn.

PLAYER C
Yeah, just a sec.

PLAYER C continues fumbling between the cards.

25. ECU of PLAYER C's hand: we see "Fire", "Enemy", "Island", “Witch” and "Very Strong". C pauses at each one.

PLAYER D
(OS)
Come on.

PLAYER C
(pause)
Just a sec.

26. LS of A, B, D.

PLAYER D
Jesus fucking christ.

PLAYER B
Take it easy. It’s his first time.

PLAYER D
Oh, sorry. I thought we were playing
a game. What’s to fucking learn, anyway?

24(b). CU of PLAYER C

PLAYER C
(blurted)
Alfred was asleep.

Another pause.

The CAMERA starts to PAN LEFT, and then RIGHT to PLAYER D, who is playing with some beer bottles.

26(cont).

PLAYER A
(OS)
Did he dream?

PLAYER C
He dreamed about C... about Christine.
The, er, woman on the necklace.

PLAYER D
Locket.

24(b)(cont).

PLAYER C
He dreamed about her.
(pause)
She, um, told him her name. Christine.

26(cont).

PLAYER D
Good, great, don’t call us, we’ll call you. What’s the fucking time?

PLAYER B
Give him/her a fucking chance!

24(b)(cont).

PLAYER C
No, that’s alright... I’ll, er,
think about it a bit. I can pass, right?

PLAYER A
Yes, of course, but just have a go...

PLAYER C
No, that's alright.

TRACK to the left, bringing PLAYER D into shot

PLAYER D
Right, good. Play progresses to the
left, which would make it... my turn!

27. MS over shoulder of PLAYER D. PLAYER D picks up cards, looks at them, puts them down again.

PLAYER D
So! Alfred is suddenly awoken out of
his wet dream by an insistant shaking.
“Wake up!” says Davril in an urgent whisper.

28. MS of PLAYER A and D, high up.

PLAYER D leans over to PLAYER A and shakes his shoulder.

SLOW ZOOM in to CU

PLAYER D
(whispered)
Wake up!

PLAYER A refuses to react.

PLAYER D
(whispered louder)
Wake Up!

PLAYER A warily gives in, and plays along.

PLAYER A
Wha? Whadizit?

PLAYER D
(whispered)
Pirates!

PLAYER A
Wha? Where?

PLAYER D
(whispered)
On deck! Quick! Follow me!

29. MS on PLAYER D, who leans back.

PLAYER D
And Davril pulls Alfred, still half-asleep,
out of his hammock and drags him along.

PLAYER C
(OS)
Oh!

TRACK to cover PLAYER C and PLAYER D

PLAYER C lays down card.

30. ECU of card: “Very Strong”

29(cont).

PLAYER D reacts - disbelief, annoyance, then amusement.

PLAYER D
Nah, sorry mate.

PLAYER C
Huh?

PLAYER D
You don’t have to be “Very Strong”
to pull someone out of a hammock. Davril
isn't very strong. He's an utter spastic
fuckin’ weakling.

TRACK TO PLAYER C

PLAYER C
(turning to PLAYER A)
You said it doesn't have to have the
exact meaning!

MS of PLAYER A

PLAYER A looks apologetic.

PLAYER A
Er, sorry. It's got to be close. Much closer
than that, sorry.

32. CS on PLAYER C

PLAYER C slowly sits back and looks at cards, belatedly picking up "Very Strong" again.

PLAYER C
(disgusted)
Shit.

PLAYER A
(OS)
Sorry.

33. MS on PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Don’t worry. I’m sure everyone
will immediately forget that you have “Very Strong”
in your hand. Heh. I’ve forgotten already.
What was I just talking about?

34. MS on PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Don't be an arsehole.

33(cont).

PLAYER D
(pause)
Right, so Alfred follows Davril out of
the cabin. And he sees that - although
it's the middle of the night - all the other
sailors are gone. The hold is empty.

35(a). LS on PLAYER A, B, C

TRACK RIGHT to cover PLAYER A and PLAYER D

PLAYER D
And as they sneak past the passenger
cabins, he notices that all the doors
are open and the cabins are empty too.

PLAYER D takes a long drink.

PLAYER D
So Alfred follows Davril along the
corridor and out onto the deck.
It's very dark, but Alfred can make out
some dim figures.

PLAYER D addresses PLAYER A

PLAYER D
"So," says Davril, "ready to fight some pirates?"

PLAYER A silently calculates for a moment, worried.

PLAYER A
Sure. Where's my sword?

PLAYER D
I'm afraid you don't get one.

PLAYER A says nothing.

36(a). CU on PLAYER D

PLAYER D leans back.

PLAYER D
And suddenly, a dozen lanterns are
uncovered, and Alfred sees that the
entire deck is awash in blood, and
he's surrounded by grinning pirates.
He turns to Davril, who was also
grinning, and has drawn his sword.
"Goodbye," says Davril, and chops
off Alfred's head, killing him instantly. His
head rolls off the deck and splashes into
the ocean, where it...

35(b). LS on PLAYER A, B, C

PLAYER D
oh, it gets eaten by sharks, something like that.

PLAYER A grimaces, as if he was expecting this. PLAYER C stops fiddling, mouth slightly open. PLAYER B looks annoyed.

PLAYER B
(annoyed)
Great.

(pause)

37. CU of PLAYER A

PLAYER A
Wait a minute - you're changing the
whole personality of Davril.

36(b). CU of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
What personality? All you've said about
him so far is that he's a fuckin’ ugly
bastard. And that he ain't "Very Strong".

37(cont).

PLAYER A
And that he's a good person, he's
got a good heart.

TRACK ACROSS to PLAYER D

PLAYER D
(pause)
Yeah, a good heart, alright - he does his
cardiovascular exercise every day, plenty
of sword swinging, and he don't eat fatty
foods, alright? No problems with his heart.
Unlike poor old Alfred. His just stopped for
some reason. Nothing to pump through it.

38(a). MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Yeah, right, get on with it. Not that there's
anyone left to get on with.

39(a). MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Well, lets see now... there's always Davril,
isn't there? Who we left wiping off his sword
as the pirates gathered 'round. "So,
boys, that's the last of them," he
announces. And the other pirates cheer.

38(a)(cont).

PLAYER B
Oh right, so Davril is the Pirate Leader.
Or whatever.

39(a)(cont).

PLAYER D
(patronisingly) That’d be “King of the pirates”.

PLAYER B
Thanks.

B lays down card "King".

Pause as PLAYER D sits forward, and reaches out to the card...

40. ECU on card. The card gets turned upside-down by PLAYER D's hand.

38(b).

PLAYER B
So. The Pirates cheered at the news that
the entire crew had been killed without a
single casualty, and grouped around
congratulating Davril, the Pirate King,
on his cleverness. And they transferred
all the good stuff out of the "Mighty
Bellows" and into the Pirate Ship.

39(b).

PLAYER D
Ooh! Ooh! Were any of them very strong?

38(b)(cont).

PLAYER B
(ignores PLAYER D)
And then they all got drunk and had an
enormous party that lasted for five days,
in the process of which they sank the
pirate ship and had to swim back to the
"Mighty Bellows". Just one of
those little pranks gone wrong.

41. LS behind B, showing PLAYERs A, C, D. Skewed towards A & D.

PLAYER B looks pointedly at PLAYER D and PLAYER A. PLAYER A concentrates on a beer label, and PLAYER D just grins.

38(c).

PLAYER B
The ship was a complete mess. Davril
kicked groaning pirates around the deck,
and chopped off a few more heads out of
irritation. Suddenly, there was an upcry
in the hold, and a swarthy pirate emerged
holding... Bob the Cabin boy.

39(c).

PLAYER D
Bob is dead.

38(c)(cont).

PLAYER B
No he's not, he hid when everybody else
was being killed.

39(c)(cont).

PLAYER D
That wasn't an objection. It was
a prediction.

42. LONG SHOT of PLAYER B. During following monologue TRACK around from PLAYER B to PLAYER A, who is smiling, to PLAYER D, who is bored, and to PLAYER C, who is concentrating furiously on the cards, and then into the Kitchen, which is a real mess (amost as described).

PLAYER B
(OS)
"Arrr... looks like we missed one!"
he said, and was about to toss him overboard,
when Davril stopped him. "No, wait. This
is a fine piece of luck," he said.
And pretty soon, Bob found himself in the
kitchen with a scrubbing brush, a pile of plates
that reached from the floor to the ceiling,
crumpled greased paper wrappings, cutlery that
formed rusty heaps in mugs still half-full of
dark Ale, pipe tappings, rats nested in the pots...

39(d).

PLAYER D
Get on with it!

38(d)

PLAYER B
The pirates shackled Bob in the kitchen, and
for days he washed, scoured, dried, and put the
unbroken crockery away in neat piles.

SLOW ZOOM OUT to LS

PLAYER D
(OS)
Alright, alright, we get the picture.

PLAYER B
But Bob had a secret - the pendant, recovered
from Alfred's body. He too had seen the portrait
inside, and was now desparately in love with
Christine, such was the effect of her beauty on his
young heart.

PLAYER D
(OS, sarcastically)
The slut.

TRACK and REFOCUS on PLAYER C and PLAYER D in foreground.

PLAYER C looks up with disgust at PLAYER D.

PLAYER D
(defensively)
Toying with his young heart like that.
She ought to be ashamed.

PLAYER C and PLAYER D hold gazes for a moment.

38(e). LS of PLAYER B

Slowly TRACK LEFT to show PLAYER D, A, B.

PLAYER A is enjoying this bit.

PLAYER B
The pile of washing up steadily shrunk, until
one day he had almost caught up. And Bob knew
that the moment he was finished, pop! It was
going to be over the side for him, and into the
jaws of the hungry sharks who were following the
ship. Or even worse, maybe they needed him to
clean the toilets.

PLAYER D is subtly holding one of the face-down cards, ready to flip it over.

PLAYER D
Ooh. Scary.

43. MS of PLAYER B from side.

PLAYER B
(OS) Well, yes, but more just desperate to find
a way out, which is why he was so relieved when
the sink clogged up. And when he was rooting around
in the U-bend, he found this ring. D'ye see.

TRACK around so that PLAYER A is visible in background.

PLAYER B holds an imaginary ring up into the light.

TURN UPWARD into the light.

44. MS of PLAYER B from side.

TRACK behind PLAYER B to get PLAYER C in view.

PLAYER B lays down a card from his/her hand. PLAYER C picks up the card.

PLAYER C
(reading the card)
Ring.

45. MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
He wouldn't want a pirate to walk in just then.

46. MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Arr, that would ha' been the end o' him. But
none of them ever came down except after meals.
Bob cleaned the ring off and read the inscription
on the inside, which I'm sure you can see is the
word "izyuk".

47. CU over PLAYER B’s shoulder of his/her hand - top card is “This Can Fly”.

PLAYER B
His hands were so swollen with the endless washing
up that he could only fit the ring on his little
finger...

PLAYER D
Oh god.

46(cont).

PLAYER B
But it did fit, just, and when he said the word
"izyuk" aloud, he jumped in surprise... or rather,
he half-jumped in surprise because he didn't come
down again!

PLAYER B lays down card.

48. LS of PLAYER A, C, D behind B

Players lean forward to examine the card, and lean back again.

PLAYER D
Scary.

PLAYER B
Well yes, he was a bit frightened...

PLAYER D flips over a face-down card.

PLAYER D
Thanks.

PLAYER B reaches over and turns the card around.

49. ECU of card "Frightened".

50a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between A & B

PLAYER D
Bob is frightened, and with good cause
because right then, Davril walks in and
sees Bob floating there. Now, Davril might
be a right spastic total weakling but you
don't get to be king of the pirates by being
stupid.

50b. LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
He shuts and locks the door and pulls his
knife out. Poor old Bob has still got his
chains on, doesn't he?

50c. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between A & B

PLAYER D
So he can fly around in a circle but he ain't
going anywhere.

50d. RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
It's a pretty easy matter for Davril to grab
the other end of the chain and haul him in.

51a. LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
(suddenly)
If you kill me you'll never know how I did it.
(pause)
Said Bob.

50e. RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Who's telling the story?
(pause, then a sigh)
Davril hauls him in and puts the knife to
his throat. "Alright, Bob, how do you fly?"

51b. LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Let me go and I'll tell you.

50e(cont). RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
I can't do that, Bob.

51a(cont). LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Why not?

50f. RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
(pause)
Davril pauses in thought.
(pause)
Alright. Davril knows that Bob is also
an utter weakling and is compulsively honest,
so he takes a firm grip around Bob's throat
and frees him from his chains. And they go up
on deck. "Alright, Bob, how did you fly?"

51a(cont). LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Promise you'll let me go.

50g. RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
I promise.

51a(cont). LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
(pause)
It's this ring.

50g(cont). RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Thanks. Davril reaches out, chops off Bob's
finger, and takes the ring. Then he pushes Bob
over the side of the ship.

52a. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between D & C

PLAYER A
Someone is hurt.

PLAYER A puts down a card. PLAYER D looks at it.

50g(cont). RIGHT SIDE MS of PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Someone is hurt. Okay.

52a(cont).

PLAYER A pauses in thought.

PLAYER D
(OS)
Come on.

PLAYER A
Thinking.

50h. RIGHT SIDE MS on PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Come on, what's so difficult? Bob fell into
shark infested waters with an open wound. Just
join the dots.

52b. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between D & C

PLAYER A
OK. Just before Bob hit the water, he shouted
"Izyuk!".
Suddenly, the ring in Davril's hand flew into
the air. It flew up to the height of the mast,
and then, like it was bored, dropped again. But!
The wind had blown it away from the ship, and just
as it was about to drop into the water, Bob shouted
"Izyuk" again, swum underneath it, and caught
it nicely.

50i. RIGHT SIDE MS on PLAYER D

PLAYER D
Izyuk!

52c. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between D & C

PLAYER A
Too late. Bob already had the ring on his
other little finger, and the call merely lifted
him out of reach of the sharks. And Bob flew away.

51c. LEFT SIDE MS of PLAYER B

PLAYER B
Well done.

52c(cont).

PLAYER A
Thanks. OK, so Bob flew in search of land. Day
and night he flew - it wasn't a very fast flying
ring...

53. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & D

PLAYER C
Did he see any islands?

52d. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between D & C

PLAYER A
Noooo, not really.

54. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C, with C in foreground

PLAYER D
How about really strong men. Did he see any
of those?

PLAYER C looks embarrassed and annoyed, then concentrates on his/her cards.

52e. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between D & C

PLAYER A
He flew for days, until he was delirious with
hunger and thirst. He chased an Albatross, but
it flew into a thundercloud and lost him. He
tried to drink the rain...

54(cont).

PLAYER C suddenly shuffles through cards, and finds the correct one, triumphantly.

PLAYER C
Bird!

C fumbles down the card. PLAYER D looks down at the card, and turns it around.

PLAYER D
Smooth, very smooth.

55a. FRONT CS of PLAYER C between A & B, with B in shot
PLAYER C sorts through his/her cards during the following. Slow ZOOM OUT throughout this monologue.

PLAYER C
OK. OK. So this guy Bob is... OK. Right...
flying through the clouds. In the air, flying
with the... ring of... flying. He was.
The clouds were thick. It was dark. Shit.
(pause)
Shit.

56a. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
Look, just let the story flow. It'll come
around if it's a right story.

55b. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B, with B in shot

PLAYER C
What the hell's a "right story"?

PLAYER B
Oh god. Don't get him/her started.

57a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between A & B

PLAYER D
No, no! I always enjoy this bit.

56b. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
A "right story" is one that...
well, you'll know when you've told a right
story because it has a life of its own. There
are bits that no story teller introduced, but
they're there anyway and it turns out that...
they're vital to the plot. Look, don't get hung
up on the cards. The cards don't matter. Even
the winner doesn't matter in a right story.

55c. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B

PLAYER C
Yeah... right, OK. OK. It was night. No...
yes, it was night, but then it was...
eventually it was... dawn broke. The clouds
looked like... no, that's stupid. Flying
through the clouds, like an aeroplane. It was
just... misty. Then... he was just flying
through the clouds. Hungry and thir... just
hungry. Delerious with hunger.

57b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between A & B

PLAYER D
Incoherent with hunger.

55d. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B

PLAYER C
He saw something then... Christine's face,
in the clouds. She looked like an angel.
Guiding. Maybe she was. There was no sound,
no sound at all, but he could see her mouth
move, and he couldn't hear what she was
saying, and he tried to fly closer. Then he
came out of the clouds.

56c. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
Great.

PLAYER C looks suspiciously at PLAYER A, but PLAYER A is being sincere.

PLAYER A
Great, that's good.

55e. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B

PLAYER C
And there was an Island. I pass.

PLAYER C lays down card (which is "Island").

58a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C, high up and looking down

PLAYER B looks at the card without comment, and we TILT UP to PLAYER D.

PLAYER D
At last. All right. Bob landed on the island,
and drank deeply from a fresh water stream. He
flew upstream and eventually came to a large,
deep pool, where he noticed a naked woman. Guess
who?

56d. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
You’re telling the story.

58b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
(pause)
Christine, of course. Which was really a pity,
because Bob was so very, very hungry - and
perving on her nakedness just made him feel
hungrier. He completely forgot about how
beautiful she was. His only thought was just
how good she was going to taste when he cooked her.

56d2. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A puts down a card.

PLAYER A
Food.

PLAYER D picks up the card, and nods, annoyed.

PLAYER A
Such was Bob's delirium that before he could
even think another thought he felt everything
go black. And the next thing he knew, his
beautiful Christine was tending him by the
side of the pool. "Are you alright?"
she said, concerned. "You fell in the water.
You must have fallen out of a tree."

58c. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
And hit every branch on the way down you
ugly motherfucker.

59a. FRONT MS on PLAYER B between C & D

PLAYER B puts down card: Tree

PLAYER B
(ignoring PLAYER D)
Tree. Christine noticed the pendant around
Bob's neck. "Oh! There it is!" she said.
"Thanks for returning it." And when
she removed it, Bob suddenly felt different. He
looked at Christine and saw that she was alright,
but nothing special. He no longer felt overwhelming
love for her. You see, the pendant was magical. It
would use whatever means it could to return to
its owner, including fools in love.

56e. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A
(OS)
I think that counts as a spell.

PLAYER A puts down a card.

60. ECU of card "spell".

59b. FRONT MS on PLAYER B between C & D

PLAYER B
Damn. Almost had it, there.

PLAYER B takes another card from the central stack.

58d. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
Shoulda been quicker.

56f. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C, with B in foreground

PLAYER A
Bob had nothing but his ring, once he returned
Christine's pendant. So he followed Christine
back to her village. The people there were
friendly, and his ability to fly came in handy.
Soon, he had his own cottage and some savings besides.

PLAYER B
And he didn't even have to share!

PLAYER A
And he used to visit Christine, for although
the spell was broken, she was the brightest and
friendliest of the villagers. They became friends.

Suddenly, abashed, PLAYER A stops talking.

Someone (CAROL/CHRIS), walks directly in front of the camera.

61a. FRONT LS of PLAYER A between C & D, with CHRIS/CAROL in extreme foreground RIGHT, facing PLAYER A. All Players are in shot.

CAROL/CHRIS
Hiya. How's it going?

PLAYER C twists around.

PLAYER C
Hi Carol/Chris.

CAROL/CHRIS walks through shot RIGHT to LEFT, and into the kitchen, tracked by PLAYER A & C’s eyes.

PLAYER A
(trying to be charming)
Doing well, thanks. And yourself?

62. FRONT MS of Kitchen between A & B, with PLAYER C in shot. PLAYER C is still turned to the kitchen.

CAROL/CHRIS
(from Kitchen)
So am I in it?

61b. FRONT LS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A
Just a walk-on part.

CAROL/CHRIS walks back through shot LEFT to RIGHT and pauses while still partially in extreme foreground RIGHT of shot.

CAROL/CHRIS
Why couldn’t you guys just flip a coin or something?

PLAYER A
It’s more fun this way. The smoothest talker gets out of the chores.

CAROL/CHRIS
Hmm. Don't forget the toilets. They’re filthy.

PLAYER B
Yeah. The winner gets to choose who does them.

CAROL/CHRIS
Oof. Playing for blood, huh?

CAROL/CHRIS goes back from whence he/she came, tracked by PLAYER A & C’s eyes.

63. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & D

(pause)

61c. FRONT LS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A watches until CAROL/CHRIS is quite gone.

PLAYER A
When they weren't doing anything else,
Christine and Bob used to sit and talk. They'd
talk about... oh, life, their dreams, about
the far-away places Bob had been to...

63(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & D

PLAYER C
(annoyed)
Alright! Get on with it!

61c(cont). FRONT LS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A
(taken aback)
And eventually they fell in love.

PLAYER A lays down card (Two people fall in love).

64. SHOT over PLAYER C’s shoulder, looking DOWN.

PLAYER C takes the card, looks at it briefly, and tosses it, too casually, back onto the table. PLAYER C is obviously still annoyed.

65a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
Wasn’t Bob the cabin boy?

66. MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
Mm. Yes, Bob was quite young, so they decided
to wait before getting married. So the years
passed peacefully as they got to know and love
each other even more...

PLAYER D plays card.

PAN across to PLAYER D, as PLAYER A picks up and looks at the card.

67. ECU of PLAYER A holding card “Time Passes”

PLAYER D
Thanks. Yes, time passed.

68a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
While Bob and Christine were consumed with
pastoral bliss, Davril had been tearing up the
ocean on the "Mighty Bellows".
He had also found a ring of flying, obtained from
the same sink U-bend where Bob had discovered the
first ring. Early one morning his pirate ship
weighs anchor in a sheltered harbour of a smallish
island. And with Davril leading the way, the
pirates quietly make their way up the obvious path
to find this quaint little village. Well. What do
you do when you get a present like that, eh?

69. LS of PLAYER A, B, C from between C & D.

Nobody answers.

68b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C with C in shot

PLAYER D
Tut! Silly! You murder, rape, pillage and
then burn the remains, don't you? And that's
just what the pirates do.

PLAYER C plays a card.

70a. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B

PLAYER C
Fire.

PLAYER C takes a deep breath, and starts shuffling through his/her cards again.

71a. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A
(who can see a dozen ways this
situation could be saved)
Look, you don't make the story fit the
cards. The cards will fit in, just...
just tell the story!

72. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
(to PLAYER C, indicating PLAYER A)
I love that shit. Don’t you love that shit?
(pause)
Come on! Tell the fucking story!

70b. FRONT MS of PLAYER C between A & B

PLAYER C puts down his/her cards and stares at PLAYER B helplessly.

73. FRONT MS of PLAYER B between A & D

PLAYER B gives an attempt at a confident nod.

74. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A smiles patronisingly.

75a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C, with PLAYER C in foreground

PLAYER C
Well, um. Oh. Um.

PLAYER C starts to flip through his/her cards again.

71b. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER A bangs his/her head on the table.

75a(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C, with PLAYER C in foreground

PLAYER D
Come on. Come on!

PLAYER C
He... I pass.

76. 3/4 PROFILE of PLAYER B between B & C

PLAYER B
No, look, just see it from Bob's point of view...

75b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
Too late now! Too late. My turn. Again.
(pause)
Alright, the pirates are standing around
the ruins of the village, toasting
marshmellows.

77a. ECU of PLAYER D’s cards.

D turns over card: Ruin

75b(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
Ruin. And Davril says "I'll just have
a look for any strays," says, "Izyuk!"
and flys off. He flys around the island
and finds a stream, which he follows to
a large pool. And who should he see there,
but... anyone? Anyone? He sees... Bob.
Bathing naked in the pool. And he's a mite
bit ticked off at Bob.

78a. FRONT MS of PLAYER B between C & D

PLAYER D
(OS)
After he was outsmarted and all.

75c. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
So now it's time for a little revenge. So
he sneaks up behind Bob. But amazingly, Bob
sees him! And Bob shouts "Izyuk" and
flys away naked, fleeing for his poor little
life! Unfortunately for Bob, Davril's flying
ring is a lot faster, and the subsequent chase...

77b. ECU of PLAYER D’s cards.

D turns over card: A Chase.

75c(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
Is not very long.
And for Bob, suddenly everything goes black.
(pause)

78b. FRONT MS of PLAYER B between C & D

PLAYER B
Well that was a fucking "Right story".

75d. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
I'm not done yet! The game isn't done
until the ending card is played. Right?
Right. Bob wakes up. He is bound head and
foot, and is lying on his back. He can feel
a weight on his chest, and by lifting his
head he can make out a large, roughly
spherical lump there, under the blanket. He
lies there for a bit, wandering what's
going on, and then sees Davril.
Davril walks up to him, grinning. “I've
got a couple of things of yours," he says.

79. FRONT MS of PLAYER A between C & D, PLAYER D in foreground

PLAYER D holds up imaginary ring to PLAYER A

PLAYER D
"This," and he holds up Bob's flying ring.

75e. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between B & C

PLAYER D
"And this," he indicates the lump under
the blanket on Bob's chest. "Actually, we
figured this one belonged to you 'cause
she called your name." And Davril
twitches aside the blanket to reveal the
bloody head of Christine.

80. FRONT LS of PLAYER B between C & D

There is a PAUSE.

75f. FRONT MS of PLAYER D between A & B

PLAYER D
And even while Bob is absorbing this,
Davril grins. "Seeing as I've taken these,
I thought I should give you something
in return," he says, and drops his pants.
And Davril waves his dick at Bob. And
it is filthy. The stink coming from it
is a mix of fish, and shit, and...

81. FRONT LS of PLAYER B between A & D

PLAYER B stands up.

PLAYER B
(disgusted)
Speaking of shit.

PLAYER D
(OS)
It's just a story!

PLAYER B
And such a great story it is. This is shit.

PLAYER B starts to walk past PLAYER A

82. FRONT LS of PLAYER A between C & D

PLAYER A stands and intercepts PLAYER B

PLAYER A
Look. Take it easy. You can't change
the story ending by walking out on it, just
because you don't like where it's going.
I mean... a safe story can never become a
right story.

PLAYER B
Oh god, here we go.

PLAYER B turns and walks around the table toward PLAYER C

83. FRONT LS of PLAYER A between B & C

PLAYER B walks in front of camera

PLAYER A
No! Listen, if you just walk out on it,
you're not letting the story be anything.

84. FRONT LS of PLAYER D, between A & B’s seat.

PLAYER B walks between C & D, looking briefly at D

85. FRONT LS of PLAYER A, between C & D

PLAYER A
A story can be a triumph or a tragedy,
but it will be nothing at all unless you
let it finish.

84(cont). FRONT LS of the standing PLAYER A and PLAYER B, between A & B’s seat.

PLAYER B
You can't say that I should just sit back
and let him/her...

85(cont). FRONT LS of PLAYER A, between C & D

PLAYER A
No! I mean, I can see your point, it's
a bad thing to do to a character. But
you don't fix that by throwing away the
story. You fix it by taking the story back.

84(cont). FRONT LS of the standing PLAYER A and PLAYER B, between A & B’s seat.

PLAYER B
But I don't have the cards! I need the
bloody cards to take the story back!

85(cont). FRONT LS of PLAYER A, between C & D

PLAYER A
If it is a right story, then the cards
will fall correctly. And if it is not a
right story, then who gives a shit?

86. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
Will you two sit down?

87a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B, with PLAYER A in foreground

PLAYER D
Why, thank you.

PLAYER A sits.

PLAYER B continues to stand.

88a. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B, with PLAYER B’s seat in foreground.

PLAYER C
It’s OK.

PLAYER B
Yeah. Just a story.

PLAYER B sits.

87b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
As I was saying...

PAN to PLAYER C

PLAYER C
Wait up.

87c. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
What?

88b. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B

PLAYER C
I don't think it's your turn.

87c(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
It certainly is!

88b(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B

C points to the card in the middle of the table

89. ECU of card “Very Strong”

87c(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
You've got to be kidding.

PLAYER B
(OS)
Yes!

PLAYER D
No fucking way.

88b(cont). FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B

PLAYER C
So. The smell of Davril's dick. It wasn't "very strong"?

90. FRONT MS of PLAYER A, between B & C

PLAYER A
(to PLAYER D)
He/She's got you there.

91. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between B & C

PLAYER D
(pause)
Alright! (to PLAYER C) Go ahead.

92. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B

PLAYER C
Well, Christine was lying in Bob's lap...

91(cont).

PLAYER D
Just her head. Don't you remember?

92(cont).

PLAYER C
No. No, wait, I don't think you mentioned
that bit.

91(cont).

PLAYER D
I said that he saw her bloodied head in
his lap!

92(cont).

PLAYER C
Really. But he's lying down, and he can't
get up. So how does he know that the rest
of her isn't attached?

91(cont).

PLAYER D
It should be obvious. Anyway, the pirates
killed everyone in the village.

92a. FRONT MS of PLAYER B, between C & D

PLAYER B
But they missed Bob. And maybe they missed
Christine too.

93a. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
Christine wasn't in the village. She got
up early. But Davril caught her. When she
was going for a showe... a bathe in the
river. He hit her on the head.

94. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
Oh right, like he'd just hit her on the head.

93b. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
He did... cause, um, cause she called
out. Um, like you said, she called out to
Bob. So Davril just knocked her out. And
he laid her on Bob's lap. But she wasn't dead.

94(cont).

PLAYER D
You already said that.

93b(cont).

PLAYER C
Well, she was. You said she wasn't, before.

92b. FRONT MS of PLAYER B, between C & D

PLAYER B
Just making it clear.

95. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between B & C

PLAYER D
Right, get on with it. As you may recall,
Bob is trussed like a turkey and if you're
going to tell me Davril didn't tie up
Christine...

96. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & B

PLAYER C is staring at his/her one remaining card.

PLAYER C
(slowly, more confident)
No, Christine was tied up too.

97. FRONT MS of PLAYER B, between A & D

PLAYER B
You don't have to do what he/she says!

98a. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
No, that's fine.
(pause - just long enough so that
PLAYER D is about to launch into
something when PLAYER C speaks again)
Christine opened her eyes, and looked
at Bob. She was so beautiful. So
beautiful that he ached with it.

99a. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
Where in particular?

98b. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
But... but Davril was bending down,
rubbing himself. The smell was...
terrible. Bob strained against his
bonds and... he couldn't get free.
Christine was lying there... She looked
at Bob. And then... um, she winked. She
turned her head up to Davril and poked
her tongue out. Davril stopped in his
tracks. Christine... crossed her eyes.
Davril stood up straight. Christine
gnashed her teeth. Davril had a funny
expression on his face. And Christine
wiggled her ears.

99b. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
She’s a fuckin’ contortionist.

98c. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C
Davril looked down. He reached down and
touched his... penis. And it fell off.
And his hand fell off. And then his head
fell off.

99b(cont).

PLAYER D
Aw, Fuck.

98c(cont).

PLAYER C
said the head of Davril... King of the
Pirates. "How did you do that?" said
Bob. "I didn't tell you before," said
Christine. "I wanted to wait. Until after
the wedding. You see, I'm a witch."

C lays down a card.

100. ECU of card “Witch”

101. FRONT LS on PLAYER C, between A & B

PLAYER B
Alright!

PLAYER A
Well done.

PLAYER C holds his remaining card up.

PLAYER C
So...

PLAYER C lays down an ending card.

PLAYER C
She revealed her true identity and they
were married.

102a. FRONT MS of PLAYER B, between A & D

PLAYER B
Now that's a right ending.

103. FRONT MS of PLAYER D, between A & B

PLAYER D
No, a right ending is where the other
pirates find Bob and Christine, who are
still tied up, and chop them into long-sushimi.

102b. FRONT MS of PLAYER B, between A & D

PLAYER B
No, a right ending is where Christine
uses her magic on all the pirates as
well, and they leave the island with
their own ship.

104. FRONT MS of PLAYER A, between C & D

PLAYER A
No, a right ending is where Christine
brings back all the other villagers to
life...

105. FRONT MS of PLAYER C, between A & D

PLAYER C stands up.

PLAYER C
The right ending is where I wake up in
the morning and the house is clean.

PLAYER C walks out.

106. FRONT LS on PLAYER A, from PLAYER C’s chair. PLAYER B and PLAYER D are in shot.

PLAYER C
(OS)
Hey, Carol.

(pause)

PLAYER D
Oh, that’s great. She/he didn’t
say who had to do what.

PLAYER B
Lucky for you.

PLAYER A
Another game?

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